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dear mommy

May 10, 2010

i would be honored just to know you, and the fact that i get to be your daughter is a blessing that i don’t deserve. you are everything to me. i know im torturous to have as a child – i think a lot about how prayed for so long to have a sweet little girl – and that my aggressive existence was perhaps not what you were expecting. and while i know i could make your life a lot easier sometimes, you never make me feel bad about what i nightmare i am. my connection and desire to take care of you has been a part of me since i was a baby, but it wasn’t until i moved away that i think you and i both realized how seriously we love each other. the first broken heart i ever experienced was leaving you. staying up all night crying listening to our songs – and finding out the next day you were in my bed across the country doing the same – it was just shattering to my soul. i never wanted to hurt you or cause you pain. you knew it needed to be away. you always let me do what i felt i needed to. from dying my hair purple in 7th grade to taking me to new york for the first time when i was 16, you always let me go explore and do what i needed to find myself.

homemade lunches featuring a napkin-notes for almost 13 years, late night snacks when i wouldn’t go to sleep, before bed warm milk when i couldn’t sleep, back scratch sessions, the songs and books you would read and sing to me every single night, every beautiful hand sewn dress and halloween costume, all the intricate ways to braided and curled my hair, the incredible care packages you would send me in new york, how you would be at my school at a drop of a hat when i forgot a book or got sick and needed to go home, the way you would make sure you were always on my elementary school field trips, the way you treated my friends as if they were family (i always loved when i was in ny and they would be with you at the house drinking coffee or having dinner), how you treated my boyfriends like they were family (even when u didn’t like them), for always talking to me like an adult, even when i was a child, you never made up excuses for how the world works. for all of this and so much more i am so thankful.

you are the glue that brings our huge dysfunctional family together. honestly mom, if we didn’t have you we would not have anything close to the family we do. i cannot wait to be the mother you were to me to my own daughter if thats even possible. i cant wait to see you be my child’s grandmother – the way you treat my nieces and nephews is so special – we are all just so lucky.

i know i snap at you and lack patience sometimes, but you are honestly the only reason in the world i want to live. you are the reason i work so hard to be somebody, you are the reason i try to be smart with every decision i make. i know it may not seem that way – especially when it comes to the tattoos you always begged me not to get – but i had to learn how to mess up without you there to fix everything for me. sorry for my potty mouth and those parties i used to throw in high school. i promise you im going to make you so proud one day.

when i get my money right mommy im going to build us a huge house, a craftsman house like you always wanted,  where i can take care of you and feed you marzipan pastries and dark chocolates and laugh until we cry all day long. you wont ever have to lift a finger for anyone again. you deserve the world, and if i had it my way, i would take all the hardships you’ve experienced in your life in a second.

every single thing about my existence that holds any good or truth to it is because of you.

you are truly an angel. thank you mommy for everything.

i love you more than all the love you talk about.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. May 10, 2010 1:22 pm

    i cried a little, maybe because i feel the same to my mom?

  2. mommy permalink
    May 10, 2010 2:27 pm

    Oh how can I thank you for that Peep. Getting a letter like that from you is the greatest gift any mother could receive…… (and makes putting up with those tatoos a little easier).
    I love you 10:30. Thank you…..xoxoxxo Mommy

  3. wyatt permalink
    May 10, 2010 6:44 pm

    wow pia. you did it again. well done, really well done.

  4. Mia permalink
    May 11, 2010 12:31 pm

    Pia, this is amazing. Tell your mom thanks for that party I went to at your house in high school where Nural played and I met the first guy I ever loved. I hope you are well, I read your blog often and I think you’re brilliant as ever.

  5. deez permalink
    May 11, 2010 10:12 pm

    beautiful…

  6. t.o. permalink
    May 31, 2010 1:28 pm

    i have never felt more connected to a writer, this letter is beautiful, real and true. thank you for putting into words all of the emotions that i have felt, but never could express, to my own mother.

  7. carol permalink
    July 10, 2010 10:23 pm

    pia – your words touch our hearts and souls – i know your mom must be so happy to receive your special message — every mother would love hearing your words — you are deeply loved and it shows. how lucky you are!

  8. September 19, 2010 9:35 pm

    so good, this made my eyes watery…thinking about my momma and sharing those similar thoughts,ideas and feelings I have for her

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