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lets get weird

April 5, 2010

more radoms from the last month.  trying to just settle into my new life here as much as possible. i was watching the duke basketball game with my father saturday, and realized that exactly a year ago i was working at a sports bar in soho. alicia was the bartender and i was a cocktail waitress. during march maddness it was so crazy in there you could barely walk – and i was working the entire restaurant alone. i cut my hand on a broken beer bottle and walked outside to smoke a cigarette pissed that i my fridays consisted of class from 9 am to 6 pm and work from 7 pm to 4 am.  i knew i didnt want the routine anymore, but i never imaged that fast forward a year i would be living on my own in la and working at an agency. i never know whether or not its appropriate, or even a good idea to be personal on this thing, but fuck it. life is short and at the end of the day what makes us all human is the fact that we all pretty much go through the same shit and feel the same pain. sometimes its just nice to know that the pain in relatable. i mean, without heart break, regardless of what caused it, life would be boring. i think its our responsibility to  translate that pain into art. every song, poem, story…it all came from a sincere place. thats my responsibility right now. i need to take the heart breaks ive experienced recently and make them into something beautiful. i know im not the best photographer, i know im not really good at all. i have not, and will not claim to be. taking photos just makes me happy. this blog was hard for me to start – the hardest thing creatively ive ever done really. not because its challenging – cuz it couldnt be simpler – but because i know show anyone “my art”. everything ive ever wanted to do i quit for fear of failure. i mean almost everything. yea, a blog is simple and doesnt require much, but im putting myself out there. with that comes consequences. like a really lovely group of humans that love to hate on me for example. apparently my existence here on earth can be summed up to being “a fat, ugly, wanna be new yorker with a trust fund”. everyone has their opinion and talks shit. i get it cuz i do it too. but i dont get people reading a website run by someone they dont like, then going out of their way to anonymously make a mean comment.  if i had a trust fund i wouldn’t have a 9-6 job – i would be chilling really hard right now. but while im sure people make comments hoping to make me upset, it actually makes me quite thankful. i’m thankful people make comments they do, because it got me to the  point where i can say honestly that i really just dont care about useless things anymore. FUCK IT is my new mantra. and its a good one.

but more importantly i want to say how thankful for all the people that reach out to me. your sincerity is so genuine, and makes me feel so much better about the universe as a whole. it makes me happy i took a chance and  opened up. im so thankful that i have the means to even take photos and write, that i have a computer and am able to share those words and photos with strangers all over the world. im so thankful i wake up everyday. that im healthy and laugh. that i have a family -and that i know how to accept, and love and treasure them instead of being bitter at all the things they weren’t. im happy i have beautiful friends that pick me up when i fall (literally). im thankful for so many reasons, but right now im just mostly thankful im able to feel at all.  i was numb for a while without realizing it. i found pia again. i found myself after finding someone that let me know im worth loving. although that person isnt around anymore, and sometimes  i want to cry, or scream, or rip my eye balls off, or jump in front of a bus because the pain that makes me feel, i refuse to go down like that. i refuse to forget to be thankful for the moments life has given me. i will not act like a brat because im not getting what i want. when you put yourself out there, whether its on a stupid  blog or with another human, there is a chance youre going to get burned. love and pain go hand and hand, and translates to every aspect of our lives. im not going to let that pain take me down. im going to take the burden off my friends and family and im going to pick myself up this time.

just remember, every song, every poem, every story and every piece of art about love and hatred was created to tell the world how we feel about one another, and how i feel about you.

moments like this never last…but at least ill have the photos.

17 Comments leave one →
  1. alexandra Mossa permalink
    April 5, 2010 5:24 pm

    write more, your blog is one of my favorites of the blogs of complete strangers that i troll. your words hit me hard.

  2. victim permalink
    April 5, 2010 6:29 pm

    Speaking of translating pain into art, I expect you to paint a masterpiece after enduring an entire set of “The Goat”.

  3. April 5, 2010 7:02 pm

    people are loud and stupid, just generally. especially the people who breed hate from the contempt they have for their own lives. that’s why things seem shitty a lot of the time, the hate has a tendency to drown out a lot of the love. but don’t be fooled, there’s as much love as there is hate — if not more. contrary to the modus operandi of most worldwide assholes, those who would rather appreciate something for what it is and what it took to create it than stomp someone to death for what kind of a human they perceive them as are less likely to try so hard to get the attention from you that their mommy wouldn’t give them as a child.

    i avoid a majority of the internet, and i don’t often write “comments” — let alone novels like this one — but i think it’s important to know that there are in fact people out there who do appreciate your art, whether or not you feel brave enough to call it that. keep your mind in the city and in the game, whatever city it may be, that’s all that matters.

  4. munds permalink
    April 5, 2010 9:36 pm

    great post, keep the photos coming

    winnipeg canada in the haus

  5. Augustus permalink
    April 5, 2010 11:00 pm

    Your photos speak more than you can ever write on your blog. I know so many people that are extremely talented but will never put themselves out there so people can see/understand. Anyways keep up the good work. If I ever see you around town I’ll say whats up… maybe lol. 🙂

  6. April 6, 2010 12:14 am

    i don’t even know you, but i love looking in on your life through your photos, and your words are pretty damn good too

  7. umm permalink
    April 6, 2010 7:17 am

    keep your chin up, im lookin forward to new posts. your photos and your life are so interesting.. and your a fucking babe

  8. April 6, 2010 1:45 pm

    Hey, I just want to say: Thank you for being you! Thank you for being honest about things there are hard.
    I’ve been following your blog for a while- I really think you are talented. Your pictures, your writing.. Its inspiring!

    Kærlig Hilsen ( Danish!) Best Regards.

  9. April 7, 2010 10:24 am

    I’ve been following your blog for awhile now and there are very few blogs I actually keep up on. Too much of blog culture is shallow/just for show/gross, but your words and photos come off as a genuine portrayal of you and your life… I respect that. I am way too self conscious to put my life up on the internet for strangers to pour over and appreciate you and others like you for doing it. As weird as the internet can be, there are many beautiful moments worth sharing in small glimpses such as yours.

  10. April 7, 2010 7:02 pm

    You rule.

  11. skategod420 permalink
    April 10, 2010 8:12 am

    life is all about friends. i met my best friend in elementary school. we just got closer and closer over the years until one day we realized we were pretty much like brothers. a friend of our died young at age 20 and we told each other that we loved each other. it was the first time i told a dude i loved him. he was my boy, my bro, my best dude, my advisor, my comrade, he was me, i was him. I loved him, so why not tell him? well im glad i did because three years later he died from a drug overdose. stupid fucking pills. 23 years old, he died two weeks away from his 24th birthday. now im 25, its been two years, i miss him everyday, but i feel thankful i had such a great friend. someone once told me, everybody’s pain goes as deep as your own. i think it rings true.

  12. April 16, 2010 9:12 am

    hell bent heart first.
    rad pics.

  13. sarah permalink
    April 17, 2010 6:26 pm

    This place keeps my head up. You are awesome.
    Thank you

  14. wyatt permalink
    April 21, 2010 7:42 am

    I barely check your blog, but I’m glad this time that I did – this was an expressive and eloquent essay on life and growth and change and survival. I dug it. we miss you in new york, you’re no wannabe, you’re the shit.


  15. May 6, 2010 9:38 am

    I think you take bomb ass photos, everyone’s life is unique, that includes your work. The one’s of your pooch (RIP) get to me everytime

  16. Ana permalink
    May 9, 2010 4:08 pm

    Hey Pia
    I’ve been following your blog since… don’t even remember, actually. And I know that all I’m about to say you’ve already heard thousands of times, but I don’t really mind (new mantra, right? haha, I wish…). I’m a 18 yr brazilian girl – which can explain my bad english. I adore reading your words (i honestly think your art goes beyond you may have thought…) and I love taking photos too. I’m at that precise point in life where everybody’s expecting me to figure out what I wanna do with mine, and I almost enter in a Law School due all that pressure, which i dont really like at all.
    I can see you’ve crossed a line between your personal life and your virtual one, but would you mind helping me with this photography thing? Would be such a huge help if you could just talk about what you’ve done, and what you’re doing…
    I don’t know how to explain it without sounding cocky and nerdy and desperate, but somehow I respect you and your opinion as much as i do with my own friends’…
    Hm, I can only hope and wait you to answer. Even though I would still coming around… (:

    PS.: i’m sorry but i need to correct a gross mistake you’ve made in this post; you’re not fat, Pia, and you’re certainly not ugly. you’re gorgeous and extremely talented. i guess if you look a like closer and a little deeper you’ll see that you already know it. – or your real problem is not in your face or in your figure, dear, but inside of your head… (now i’m sounding like some freaking terapist… geez…)

  17. Clarisa permalink
    June 21, 2010 9:25 pm

    Pia, as an art lover, I’m a big fan of your photography. If you ever made a book, I’d buy it. The other day, I was cleaning my room and found an old small notepad I had from high school and in it was a note from you telling me not to die (because I had a mysterious allergy at the time and told you all my symptoms). Thanks for being genuine.

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