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i live my life based on what my cat does, and you should too

March 19, 2010

1) Life is hard, then you nap.

2) Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.

3) When in doubt, cop an attitude.

4) Variety is the spice of life: one day ignore people, the next day annoy them.

5) Climb your way to the top–that’s why drapes are there.

6) Never sleep alone when you can sleep on someone’s face.

7) Find your place in the sun–especially if it happens to be on that nice pile of warm, clean laundry.

8) Make your mark in the world–or at least spray in each corner.

9) When eating out think nothing of sending back your meal twenty or thirty times

10) If you’re not receiving enough attention, try knocking over several expensive antique lamps.

11) Always give generously–a small bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, “I care.”

12) When you go out into the world, remember: being placed on a pedestal is a right, not a privilege.

and for all you who email me about not blogging enough…thanks for looking out…but i dont use digital…so if u want to send me money to get my film developed that would be fantastic. for now im still grumpy and your just going to have to wait until tomorrow. thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks.

everything happens for a reason, even when its wrong.

thats what i like to tell myself.

cuz it makes me feel better.

you know what also makes me feel better? my animals. but they are being held hostage at my parents house because my mother is mad i moved out even though my dad told me i cant live there.

eating makes me feel better but i havent had much of an appetite. which is awesome cuz my fat looks more chiseled.

la is weird. i dont like it, and do it like it. but socially its like 1000 years behind new york. but i dont like new york cuz everyone thinks their really important.

can u tell im losing my mind yet?

IM CALLING HUMAN RESOURCES.

other things that make me happy:

laughing. my bosses are funny as shit so i get to do that at work. oh btw i got a job at TENFOLD talent as a junior agent. so everyone should be our fan on facebook and follow us on twitter cuz its kinda a big deal.

using BLOW instead of KNOW in every sentence also makes me happy. “you blow how we do” “you don’t blow me” “if you dont blow now you blow”

calling people shockers makes me really happy because no one ever gets what im saying.

getting tattoos makes me happy but now i look like an old biker and people stare at me weird and every family member or family friend lectures me when i see them i dont like that its a topic of conversation.

if it wasnt for my mommy id leave.

id travel around. find odd jobs, take photos and meet interesting people. maybe have a few babies along the way.

being in la is like being at lit…but its during the day….and im sober…and actually have to talk to people.

life is so weird.

i watched avatar last night. its stupid. so is alice in wonderland. crazy heart ruled my universe pretty hard.

my friends and i used to always yell “LETS GET WEIRD!” and laugh about it and do silly things but now that i live alone, i really do get weird, and its not really funny.

i feel bad for sandra bullock.

i went to phoenix last weekend but im not going to post any of the photos. maybe a couple. it was fun.

you know what i really want to do? spend my days driving around america in an old ford truck going from bar to bar taking photos listening to waylon jennings.

you know why the cow crossed the road?

to go to the moooooooooooooovies

GIVE ME MONEY

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. March 19, 2010 3:29 pm

    this is very funny post.
    thanks for it, i needed a laugh today 🙂

  2. Ron permalink
    March 20, 2010 3:00 am

    ooooh Garfield

  3. jive permalink
    March 22, 2010 8:56 pm

    sell me a t-shirt like u were suppoosed to then you’ll have money 😛

  4. March 23, 2010 4:49 am

    fuck yeah, i love this post
    it’s good to be weird and crazy and a loner
    kind of over everyone in ny here too
    would much rather have a house + yard for our puppy + motorcycle + all that extra money we’re saving from not living in a tiny ny apt. you’re the only one who knows this yet! ahh!

    i like the stream of consciousness post!
    xx

  5. March 23, 2010 9:39 am

    Speaking of going insane and living in a strange city with basically no friends to yell “let’s get weird” with, I can totally relate. I’m living in Bangkok at the moment and it is a pretty odd lifestyle. I wish I had a cat. I would probably do as it does. Maybe I’ll adopt a squirrel. I’m hoping being in an enclosed space (the apartment) will fuel creativity and not just complete psychosis.
    Good luck with living in your head.

  6. March 23, 2010 10:43 am

    This made my day.

  7. victim permalink
    March 26, 2010 8:08 pm

    Sleep on my face and I’ll consider giving you some money.

  8. Rosiegoldfish permalink
    March 29, 2010 6:10 pm

    lol. your losing it…i like that. 🙂

  9. Darrin permalink
    April 7, 2010 10:19 am

    your stuff rox pia! I’m strictly a skater, but I stumbled upon your blog via the baker site a while back and now find myself randomly checking at work. Keep up the grooviness!

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